Re: Q&A at Postgres Women talk at pgconf.eu

Hi Valeria,

As I said, impostor syndrom kicks really hard women and as a woman in tech,
I got the "you're not here because you're good but because you're a woman"
assertion so many times in my career that when the guy pointed that out, my
head was like "not that argument again".

And I know for a fact that several women were given that kind of speech
here at pgconfeu this year. I felt like I didn't want new postgres women to
be confronted with that so soon. That's why I ended firmly the conversation.

The thing about that is we work hard to give great abstracts to CFPs.
That's a fact and it's not questionable. We have no way to know if our
gender is used in favor or against us during the selection, so on what data
should we rely? Facts or hypothesis?

Am I selected because my abstract is good, because I'm a woman or because
I'm now well-known in the community? There is no way to answer that
question and I know that question very well because it's always in my head.
I finally decided that it didn't matter. I'm me and people give me room to
speech, so I take it.

The other thing I'd like to ask is "Do you know a white male speaker who
asks himself if he was selected because he's a white man?". No. They simply
don't put it that way because being a white man is the 'default'.

Finally, I totally understand your point and our answer might have been a
bit too emotional because based on fear generated by multiple wrong past
experiences. Thank you for having pointed that out and we'll get better.

Have a nice day,

Lætitia

Le ven. 18 oct. 2019 à 17:49, Valeria Kaplan <vk(at)dataegret(dot)com> a écrit :

> Hi All,
>
> In light of openness and acceptance within our community I just wanted to
> raise an issue that I've seen happen during a Q&A session at the conference
> and hear your thoughts.
>
> During a Postgres Women Q&A session at pgconf.eu there was a question
> from one of the attendees that I don't think was handled very well. The
> question was from a guy who raised, in my opinion, a very valid point about
> increasing the number of female speakers at events. He wasn't able to
> finish his question as the microphone has been taken from him and as he
> wanted to comment further he wasn't given a microphone back.
>
> This actually made me feel a bit uneasy since I feel if we want equality
> in the community we must treat any questions people have with respect and
> snatching a microphone from them is a lack of basic courtesy that one
> expects regardless to the gender, believe etc.
>
> Postgres Women is a fantastic initiative and I think the key is not to act
> towards the majority in a way that we wouldn't tolerate as their behaviour
> towards minority. This might send a wrong message and actually have an
> opposite effect than what we are trying to achieve in the community.
>
> Sincerely,
> Valeria
>
>
>
>
>
> On Tue, Oct 15, 2019 at 6:37 PM Lætitia Avrot <laetitia(dot)avrot(at)gmail(dot)com>
> wrote:
>
>> Hi all,
>>
>> As I'm still learning and not so good at organizing things, I didn't
>> think to take people's e-mail to contact them, so I have no other way than
>> sending this invitation here to everyone. We'll get better next time.
>>
>> Some quick information here :
>> - the dinner is sponsor, you just need to take care of your drinks
>> - the dinner time is 7:30 PM
>> - the restaurant is Ristorante Tagiura (please, find map enclosed)
>> - before the dinner, we'll find a place to have a drink only with women
>> (we're actively looking for a place)
>>
>> Have a nice day,
>>
>> Lætitia
>>
>> --
>> *Paper doesn’t grow on trees. Please print responsibly.*
>>
>